cdadmin

Chelsea 1-0 Southampton - Oi Pellegrino. Your Hazard Plan Ain’t Working

I wonder what version of Chelsea we will get today... Were we going to get Chuck Norris Chelsea, who are on you and have disposed of you ...


I wonder what version of Chelsea we will get today... Were we going to get Chuck Norris Chelsea, who are on you and have disposed of you before you've even seen it coming, or were we going to get the hungover pub team version who look like they don't know how to put one foot in front of the other without falling arse over tit? No Morata, not healthy enough to start, but that meant that we got Hazard, Willian and Pesto (cock off autospell) starting together, which not a few of us have been whining for of late. 

Them: Happy Charlie Austin Day everybody of the female species or homosexual male persuasion. Perv and be merry. Southampton are about as bonkers as us it would seem. Drew with Arsenal, then tanked by Leicester in the last week. Apparently they had a plan to deal with Hazard. If this master plan turns out to be taking it in turns to kick him, then I think we've seen it before. Every week. 

The weather was almost as changeable as the two sides have been with bright sunshine, rain and freezing cold wind all at the same time. It was that bizarre atmosphere you get just before Christmas when everyone has got other things they need, want, or are being ordered to do by their non football other halves instead of being at the match.  Luckily I have Boycie (Sitcom alias) as my human hot water bottle in the cold winter months. There was a flurry of Southampton possession before we got hold of the ball, but we were lucky not to go behind on eight minutes when there was no Southampton player there to tap it in, with what was the best chance of the game so far. It was by no means an explosive start by either side but we had, for the second game in a row, managed to not be collectively f*cking woeful in the opening ten minutes. After a quarter of an hour Willian wound his way into the box for what turned out be a pretty naff final effort that went wide. But it was a good start. Mario Lemina had only been on the pitch a minute when he was deprived of any baby-making ability by a brutal shot after some exciting one touch build up play from our forwards. Straight afterwards Forster had to palm away a volley back into the box from Alonso and then Cahill struck again from outside the box. We had had the better of it thus far, but we weren't exactly smacking them about. The three musketeers combined brilliantly to arrive in the six yard box on the half hour but somehow the ball ended up wobbling into Fraser Forster's hands. Out of seemingly nowhere two minutes later, Alonso found himself with a stunning opportunity but once again Forster was in the way. Grr. Then a crucial deflection denied a Bakayoko shot: not the first time he had been poised on the outside of the box today to have the ball laid back to him. Two minutes later Pesto hit the post. Jesus wept won't somebody just score? Time added on? Should be 15 says Alf Garnett. (Sitcom alias) Bet we only get a minute, replies Boycie. Two. What a joke. Never mind, because along comes the hairstyle formerly known as George Michael to leather in a free kick into the bottom left hand corner with the last kick of the half. The ball was a bit loose at times and possession squandered, but we deserved a lead at the break. Oi Pellegrino. Your plan to neuter Hazard isn't working. 


There was a little more urgency about both sides after the break. Time and time again Bakayoko was putting himself forward - he's done this the last two games now that I've noticed and I've liked it. Dave hit another shot on 52 minutes but it took flight at a steeper trajectory than Apollo 11 and ended up in the Putney. For all our chances, Southampton were definitely not out of this. 

Alf: Romeu with a step over!
Me: He tried that once for us and did his cruciate. 


Please God Chelsea score another goal and put me out of my misery. 
But wait. Stop the clock. On 60 minutes on came Charlie Austin. Merry Christmas to me. He had an immediate impact for them, but I did have to laugh at the irony of the Saints fans complaining about us moving too slowly. We are the victims of time wasting so often that I literally could not give a rat's a*se when it's the other way around. Especially when they had been at it to embarrassingly levels only half an hour before. Suck it up b*tches. 

Which brings me to Refwatch: Roger East did penalise them for fouling Hazard which is more than most of his brethren ever does. However, time wasting was already approaching stupid levels after just half an hour. Wagged his finger, no more, ended up booking one of ours for it much later. Typical. Usual brain farts too. Just before half time Gabbiadini came storming in, missed the ball and fell over and he penalised Bakayoko, who it looked like had no more input than standing still as a brainless red and white blur came flying past him on a collision course with the floor. Sigh. Also when he paces ten yards out, his steps get smaller and smaller until they're like non existent sad little hamster steps and it annoys me. But he really wasn't that bad today, no more than niggly complaints to be made against him. Must have been merry from the PGMOL Christmas party last night. 

Forster kept them in it as the half progressed, with a number of flying and often overly-spectacular saves. Southampton called for a penalty on 72 minutes, but the ball looked like it but Cesc in the nuts. They had only mustered two shots on goal by this point, but by no means were we counting our chickens. We’ve been here clinging onto a one goal lead too many times. Once again we had not been clinical enough in front of goal. Morata came on for Hazard and his first contribution was to force another save from Forster, but seconds later Thibaut was blocking a Charlie Austin effort with his legs. Then Morata was storming up the other end. My blood pressure can’t handle this. Fabregas pulled a shot wide, then a right-footed attempt was blocked from our number 9. On 81 minutes we made our final change, bring Zappacosta on for Moses. That's all the time we were going to be able to eek out of substitutions. Willian wasted some more pretending to be injured, but to be fair to him if I'd been out there in that miserable rain I'd have been rolling in the floor feeling sorry for myself too. Charlie Austin came closest of all to getting an equaliser for the away side five minutes from the end but it skimmed just past the post. I love you Charlie, but please don’t nick these points off us. 

They could have score again soon afterwards thanks to the worst use of advantage I have ever seen given. Here's a hint Roger, if the other team almost scored, it was not an advantage for Chelsea. Four minutes of injury time? What? Of course. That would be all the time that wasn’t added on in the first half when we wanted it. By this point I’d ratcheted up to about 35% nappy sh*tter. As the seconds edged agonisingly by, both Duracell Dave and Willian made surging runs forward in search of a second goal. Then Roger East booked a Chelsea player for time wasting. F*cking hell. I take back everything positive I’ve said about him. It’s on occasions like this when I miss Drogba. He’d run down to the corner with fifteen minutes to go and stay there with the ball till the whistle, in the face of attackers, defenders, not even the SAS could have got it off of him. But happily, Southampton were out of time and out of ideas. 

So: The Hazard plan worked slightly better in the second half. We weren’t awful today by any stretch of the imagination, we played a good side; but once again our goal return for chances manufactured is not good enough and is going to cost us in other games if it does not improve. But then no team does well across a season without accumulating some functional 1-0 wins. Some really pacy, creative stuff strung together by the three forwards in the first hour. Poor Michy tho, eh? If he doesn’t get a start against Bournemouth he might as well dig a hole and climb in it. Expect to see many changes midweek. Until then I’m off to sort out more Christmas presents for the shelter kids. It’s no wonder Santa needs to be left booze to remain permanently sh*tfaced while he’s out on his sleigh. I’ve only got to handle 14 kids and my brain is mush. 

Enjoy.

AC
@CFCgwlb

Check out more from Alex on her fantastic Blog HERE

Post a Comment

  1. Whoever wrote this do you even know how to kick a ball...you are crap take your analysis to the latrine. This is football

    ReplyDelete

emo-but-icon

Twitter

Check out the best online casinos in india at CasinosIN.in

The Football Blog Network

Discover the best online casinos Canada has to offer at Casinos Online In. Choose a casino bonus and begin playing your favourite games and online slots!
Check out the UK's latest betting offers for upcoming Premier League matches at justbettingoffers.co.uk.
Get the best from your new online sportsbook ! It's recommended for soccer fans from the United States to explore the list of top US sports betting sites. Compare their bonuses before signing up with them and placing wagers on Chelsea matches.
For Chelsea odds this season check out Online Bookies for all the latest prices & leading offers.
To compare free bets for betting on Chelsea visit bestfreebets.org
Looking for the best offers on Football? Head to bookiesignupoffers.com
Looking for the best odds on Chelsea? Check out footballbettingsites.org.uk
Many canadian online casinos are best known for offering first time depositors with free spins and massive bonuses. Read reviews before signing up with any Canadian casino.
Are you looking for French casino games? goldenriviera casino en ligne is best known for providing the best casino games in France
Online casinos have become increasingly popular in New Zealand. With the rise of internet casinos, there's also a rise of bogus (fake) websites. Make sure you read casino reviews at crazyvegas online casino before you sign up with any casino.
Before you place any bets on Chelsea we suggest get these bookmakers free bets
Look! The latest Chelsea odds here at bestonlinebettingsites.co.uk make sure you check it out!
For the best Chelsea offers on the 20/21 season check out bestfreebetoffers now!
Chelsea latest news All Football News - Chelsea HERE
If you're looking to place your football bets on a new sportsbook, then look no further as Betiton is your new home for football betting!
With so many operators in the Irish market, betinireland.ie reviewed the best football betting sites in their guide.
Wanna bet on the best FIFA World Cup Betting Sites? Check out mybettingsite.uk
item